i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
