So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
