It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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