After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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