I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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