O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize