I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
