god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
