i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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