dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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