guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize