somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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