I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
