drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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