How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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