Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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