I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My vagina is officially offended.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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