I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
