Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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