If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
