sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
