Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
