i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
