omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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