I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
