You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
