You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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