:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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