nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
