I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
