What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
