Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
