I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize