i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
