We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
