the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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