I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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