You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
