So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize