So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
