you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
