Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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