im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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