I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
