no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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