Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
