if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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