i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
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Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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