i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
