OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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