i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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