He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize